My apologies firstly as wrote waaayyyy too many words, started to proof read, then got bored and decided I couldn’t be arsed. The grammar and spelling is probably terrible in places, however this is written with certain people in mind so I hope they enjoy it on some level.

Some names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. My name is Nub.

So we got off the plane and hit the hotel, it was muggy and warm the second we stepped foot in Ibiza Town, but the sea breeze offered some  cool air to balance out the humidity and the view was pretty amazing. My simple friends, Callum, Lucifer, Terry, Byron and Omega decided they need burger king much to my frustration. Whilst eating we met some chick and her mate who took us to the “west end” insisting that is was awesome. It was not, it was basically a load of students 18-24 getting drunk and fcked up then throwing up in the street. We vowed never ever to return to this place, it was literally one of the most disgusting scenes i have ever witnessed. I fear I come across as elitist or judgemental of these people. I am not. I do however despair at an area who’s sole purpose is too offer cheap drinks and boobs to kids that are already too fcked and clearly gurning.

We checked into our proper rooms the day after and settled in, we didnt really have much of a plan so it basically became a day of drinking and exploring San Antonio, which we had high hopes would gleam with treasure and joy in comparison to “the west end” unfortunately is also a shit whole.

We did however end getting the number of a kind man who would accomodate the holidays needs, including transport and party supplies.Unfortunately this lead to Terry gettin fcked at 2 in the afternoon and then mistaking something for something it was not and proceeded to wolf it down without using his mouth. He then proceeded to pretend that he was hallucinating and talking to the air, about nonsensical things. The gentleman with which he was talking seemed very kind and proper though, I would certainly one day like to meet them. I understand one was called Nelson and the other Franz. Luckily he passed out relatively early and we didnt have to look after him all night. In retrospect it was probably the cocktail he had made himself without using any liquid.

This was thursday night, and after spending some beach time and playing a game called hurley, where two of my biggest Derrick and Hector, would take a leg each and then hurl me into the air, at which point I would do a back somersault into the sea. After meeting a kind man who gave us all a can or two of monster energy drink the game was taken to the next level and reportedly I was hurled 7 feat into the air and managed to get all the way round twice for a double back somersault. We rejoiced by high fiving and applauding ourselves after this and I’m fairly sure everyone on the beach wanted to make love to each of us.

After this we went to a club called amnesia,  pretty spectacular to view and quite stimulating in all things lights and soundsystem. It got sooooo busy and i got frustrated not being able to dance so couldnt be arsed and me and Franz Broderick left to go home and chat shit and make up some mighty puns and enjoy the sea air, tinged with cigar, weed, and smelly man odour.

Friday we ended up on a beach for the night with lots of randoms after my friend Lewis had a small episode due to him being slightly Bi-polar and drinking a bottle of brandy, mostly out of a hat, or shoe, or licking it off the table. Equally funny and annoying were the results. The beach was nice and chilled, myself and Fatima chatted some more shit, did some more rum and drank whilst strangers came and joined the group before leaving. The relationships were fleeting but honest in their simplicity and purity. That night was good. I made sure we were all safe from danger by encasing all of us in several circles made in the sand which no-one could penetrate unless welcomed priorly or had equally or more powerful magic than I. We met some kind Romanian girls who were on the island for one day and night to “Make Memories” which I thought was a simple but perhaps often forgotten way of approaching an activity. They declared that “We were ok guys” for which we thanked them.

During our journey from the beach, we encountered a group of very rowdy females. They were on the same bus as us and one was pretending to be asleep. I am not certain however I think their names were Mildred, Moard, Urgleton, and Mampi. They seemed nice so we offered them companionship and our company for the remainder of both our holidays, they seem very eager and gave the impression that maybe they didn’t really know how to have fun. Luckily a great group of British guys were on hand to show them how to live.

Sat we hit up a beautiful beach down the west coast which was hollowed out of a cliff and had three small sections all of which you had to scale down natural steps to reach. We got an stunning spot looking out over the sea but had to get a bus back which meant we missed the sun setting, mainly due to an ass faced taxi driver what decided 20minute journeys cost a minimum of 40euro. In retrospect he may have been fair in this estimation as there was 6 of us which meant we would have had to get 2 taxis. Each of which would probably have cost around 20euro sooo…… yeh fair enough. I  was, nevertheless, very disappointed by this as it is meant to be a special spot to watch the sun go down on the ocean. Later that evening I shed a small tear and comforted myself with a pillow and a photo of my favourite animal model and a quote from my favourite film involving Micheal Cane and a set of doors.

The Americans had followed us and casually bumped into us when we were say by the pool. They wasted no time in inviting myself Wilfred, and Gargamel into their room that night where we were made to play confusing card games and admit personal details of our lives, through these hellish games, which one should only really discuss perhaps 3 or 4 meets into any relationship. Despite this very un-British way of doing things, I enjoyed my self alot and smiled with great mirth bearing my less than perfect British Teeth. Agatha who had pretended to be asleep on the bus also fell asleep again. We thanks all of them for their hospitality and meant it.

It was this day, sunday, that we, as a communal group, all went to a different beach. It was a site that must have been both wild and stimulating to behold, America and England united under one banner of sunshine and beach worship. The tales were thick and fast, with many people feinting in disbelief. One man jumping infront of car. Afterward his wife explained he had decided that reality was about to collapse in on itself so he decided this was the best way was to finish himself off before this occurrence. We understood once this was explained and apologised for being at least a part of the cause.

The beach? This was very different and perfect in its own way. the waves were big and the seaweed everywhere down one side of the beach. The beings of the sea decided that the Americans were not welcome within their lands and so punished them dutifully with stingers. We had previously arranged our stay, so were welcomed with kind eyes and a marvellous roast dinner hosted by thor, odin, and Aladdin. Myself and one other, she called herself  Mandarp which I thought was an odd name but did not wish to be rude so smiled and nodded, went exploring. We found a large expanse of rock in the middle of the water that we could jump and dive from. During our time on the rock we met a naked man and a pair of twins. They were French.  We stayed here, the beach, all day and had an awesome time, the water was amazing and the company enthralling. I kept on wandering off for adventure and swimming, I also lost my sunglasses in the sea. I also encouraged one of the americans, she introduced herself as Dave, which again I though an odd name however I once again smiled and proceeded, accepting her despite our differences, to jump off stuff and we spent a time within the seas grasp and conversed as people do. I had arranged for her to have a temporary visa, kindly granted by Merlin and his band of underwater travelling midget sharks so no more harm came to her. Shouts.

That evening we all, eleven of us went for dinner and got drunk. Myself and one other ended up on the sea at around 1am whilst everyone else had gone off to a club where i had arranged a few guestlist. My guestlist worked but they needed i.d to prove they were me. Unfortunately none could prove they were me because I had my i.d and I was in the ocean. My friend Kitano’s guestlist did not work either. They all returned annoyed and un-clubbed. In retrospect, despite going against the Ibizan grain and choosing the slightly more mellowed of nights I gained the upper hand in this particular game of thrones and enjoyed myself much.

Monday was our final day and we all slept hard, and sunbathed, swam and Arnold met a romanian girl. They explored each other, cloaked by the sea yet in plain sight. It was a confusing time but we all made it through the experience and felt as though we had understood something that most barely consider during their lives.Arnold was pleased.  It was very romantic and such things, people stared and clapped joyously as they left the water. We made our way to the airport after drinking on the beach, at this point of the trip everyone was skint and nobody wanted to go to a bar as the drinks are expensive. we were stuck in the airport for a couple of hours where we all slept and commented on how it was probably the best sleep of the entire trip. I had od

Upon arrival back in london I looked back at the trip with a wry smile and a slightly heavy heart. I feel as though we might have learnt more about where not to go in ibiza and what not to do rather that where to and what to do. Next year will be something special indeed.

beautiful island, sections of it ruined by very rowdy english people and an industry that has grown and built itself around them. The people are stunning (outside of San Antonio) and the love is free, there is an atmophere that is not comparable to anywhere, the postiivity and friendship that runs through everyone is electric and greviously beautiful to experience.  You can almost put the love on like a duality shoe drawn from people who want to both party and get away from life at home.

I like Ibiza, I like American girls, all of the them – Maud, Mildred, Agnis, and Mecy-Drew. Grinning at all involved. photos to come maybe…….

Published in: on 2011/09/12 at 5:06 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Red Bull Music Academy World Tour: Amplifying local scenes beyond the beat from Red Bull Music Academy on Vimeo.

Published in: on 2011/09/12 at 4:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Green Lantern!!!

Published in: on 2011/05/13 at 4:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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